Dew by Design.

I wrote this 7 years ago.

2003-01-13 11:14:11 Happy Birthday to me 24. I have been on vacation officially for a week now and I have another whole week to go. I heard from 4 people yesterday. 2 of which were my Mom and my Sister, 1 was a co worker I was not surprised to hear from since he had added me as a contact the day before and the other was of course D. Thats it. I received a call from 1 other person but they left no message sent no email and when I tried calling back there was no answer. I called 3 times. Not sure what that was about. Am I sad? Should I be? With hopes of notoverdramatizing I will say really it was just another day. Would I have loved to have done something? Yes. Did I do anything? No. I sat at home the entire day, not that that was what I wanted to do, that was the only thing available to do.

If you know me today without the back story you may be fooled into thinking I don’t know the darker side of human emotion. At the time when I wrote the entry above, I was so depressed that I knew if I made it to my 25th birthday, I wouldn’t make it long pass it.

7 years later I have a testimony. 7 years later I only hold up in the house when I want to, not because I believe there is no other option. 7 years later sure I have more calls and more e-mails but whats important is that I have me. I spent those days sulking over what I didn’t have instead of appreciating what I did. I spent too much time focused on what I lacked rather than focusing on what was in my power and making life happen.

I have still have some growing to do. I’m human. Because I’m human, I still have bad days. But I don’t let those days negate all the support and love that surrounds me.

I sat in a room full of bright, young, talented, intelligent individuals as we motivated and well-wished one another. While I’m locked in my room working on my books, poetry, magazines, or businesses, its not a void of dread that I feel. Its not a relentless seed of doom or failure. I feel empowered. Instead of lamenting what isn’t in my position, I remind myself that all I have to do is work harder to get what I want.

Bad days exist. My power rests in what I choose to do with those days. My 25th birthday has long since passed. I don’t sit and wait on people to call or days to die. Now, I awake to days that offer the privilege of life and a phone that makes outgoing calls just as easily as it accepts incoming.

Happy festival of birth, indeed.

So we finally meet. I expect good things from you and I hope you require the same of me. I look forward to the ups and downs that are customary of new years. New days. We look to you and celebrate your birth. On the surface it seems we celebrate the time. The numbers that come to us and change our days. Actually, it is the opportunity we celebrate.

I take this time to appreciate the opportunity you will afford me. And while these opportunities rest solely in my will to change the life within me, it is still you who will get the credit if I succeed and I who will bare the shame if I fail.

Today reconciles all my failures from yesterday and rewards all my intentions, though still in their infancy, of today. Know that your presence is a blessing. And with this blessing I ask for the opportunity to change. To grow. To have more. To see more. To do more. To be more. My success is completely the reward of my effort but it is you who present me the motivation and the opportunity.

Happy new year, indeed.