Dew by Design.

I don’t know what it is. Why is it I focus better alone. On my art, I mean. I feel that warmth that lives behind my consciousness. It’s tingling. I find my self reading more than I have been, still far less than I should. But I know along this familar, welcoming path the tingling will continue. The tingling will increase and I anticipate that. I look forward to it. I embrace it like a hug from my mother when I want to escape being an adult.

Today is a hard day. A day that I welcome with open arms. Because today I am reacquainting with an old friend. A friend that let’s me roam around investing in the hearts and lives of others then welcomes me home at any time.

Dew

I think it just hit me. Something else. Someone else getting words. Words that I live by. I wake up in the morning with a thought to express. To convey to the outside world. I focus on the task at hand and save those small sentiments of merriment for one specific face. The reaction. The realization. The emotion those words inspire and I focus on giving that gift to you. Franctic episodes on discourse and discontent that seem only to be calmed by the sound of my voice. Sound produced by words thought. And somehow you figure…feel…fret…that words is what ends us. Words is what began us. Sitting in a tower of them…with silk sheets created to hold them…sold them…wrote them….roped them…gathered and congregated amongst us before we became…before us divided and you say just words.

No sentiment can be told what is once it has left the lips of its home. It is received with the arms open wide and warm inside. Our only control is in the choice to give or not to give. And while Christmas may be months away or may never return, the memory of the gift, the lingering sentiment they hold is in a word – everpresent -

So I stutter about looking for the words to express the sentiment behind this silent heart that bleeds definition and has no one to write this love tale to and you say to me that I will always always always always love love love love love love… another word and I just

keep stuttering

trying to find

trying to stumble over

who I used to be since

all I have are the fucking words

and nothing left to say…