iamdew

I’m a bottle of emotion right now.  A recent muscle pull has me contemplating even more seriously the effects of obesity. I love it when people talk about weight around me. They talk to every one in the circle but me. they are side stepping my feelings. Making sure not to step on the eggshell. I’m beyond that point of necessary sensitivity. Still amusing though. And kinda sweet. In a sad way. Book coming soon.

Who ever said trying to achieve something, anything, isn’t hard work is a bold face muthafuggin lie and you go slap them in the face, ret nah. It’s ok, I’ll wait.

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Continue after slapping

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I just feel so drained all the time. So unstable. Yet, so excited. The possibilities seem endless. And I think optimistically we want the possibilities to all be positive. But, realistically those possibilities include falling flat then a jujone on my face.

The stakes are higher now. I brought people into the circle. Not sure if they fully understand where I’m trying to go. By where, I mean how high. By high, I mean so far gone.  I’m a big picture person. I take pieces and see what all i need to make those pieces into a twin tower collage.

I do not want to get lost in the act of preparation. I want to do. Since that is who I am. I am moving towards something. I make sure to check myself at every turn to make sure what I am doing at that moment is moving toward goal-completion.

The pieces fit.

After mulling over the puzzle for so long. After moving pass the picture the pieces will end up being. The actual act of putting it together, the act of progress is challenging and thrilling. Chaotic and soul-resting. Exactly what I asked for.

Feeling like so much has stopped around me. I’m (not trapped) in this glass box watching shadows move around me. Not all of the shadows have faces. Only faces I recognize stand out. Mouths moving. I hear phrases. Words. Not trying to shut them out. just trying to focus. Selfishly. What’s important to me. Can only hope they understand. Hope they don’t take it personal. Afraid that its all for naught. I don’t want points for trying. I want to succeed. Pass.

Pass over.

Pass Out.

Get up and walk again.

Movement keeps me still.

Peace I find in the days of chaos
Like water running under the fountain
wasted
For mouths that thirst
Change
Repair and reap.
I move like lightning when the world says sleep
I sleep when the sun speaks
Hollow points
pierce focal passages
like gangstas creep
drive-by metaphors
Assasinated movement
tip toe sense-making

How many people have you taught the truth to today?

How many have you condemned for not-knowing?

Hypocrites, join me as I grow.
Walk along side the leader of chance taking
Wandering
Just wandering
Scared to death that the sidewalk leads me back where I started

Potential

Out of order and segragated from common

Sense

Less

Without

Synonyms, but I digress.

and that becomes the ultimate statment
when asked,

What if I digressed?

Present and past tense

Read once, meant twice over
over me
over fear
over this (makes three)

Either do or don’t

At least I did
Raise your hands, all who have

All who have not
Put your feet on the pavement
And catch up to my stripped down
Window Seat

I’ll be the body at the end of the row
Bleeding individuality
Bleeding purpose
Bleeding goals
Bleeding a once in lifetime chance
to stand up
Unscathed

You can gawk over me
and ask why
Or grab my hand and help me move this mountain

You can gawk over me
and ask why
Or grab my hand and help me move this mountain

©2010 Dew