Feb
24
2007
We are cruel, Love is not.
Reflecting on a few years back.
After the Fight
I can barely sleep With discontent on my heart With you on my mind Guilt in the air And fault roaming the streets blind Tossing with every other breath Counting the seconds Between thoughts of you Waiting to start Turning over intentions Flipping through reasons Not to call you I wonder are you thinking of me Seeing the look on your heart When my words slapped you in the face Watching you swallow the sword That cut every inch of me away from you Rehearsing my apology That will never see life Inhaling fear filled air Polluting my thoughts With forgive-me-nots I wonder are you thinking of me My dreams of us Are turning into nightmares of I -N-C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-and Now I can’t breathe I’m gasping for air I need your hand To put out this fire That’s raging in my soul We were too close together To be this far apart And without you I am suffering 3rd degree burns to my pride 2nd degree assault on my conscience And you have been found guilty On 1 count of breaking my heart AGAIN These white walls All show me you On different days In different styles I can almost taste you in the air I can feel your fingerprints on my skin I can smell your disgust a mile away And not even my dreams Can tell me what good this life would be Without you I wonder are you thinking of me Because I can not think of anything else But you
© Dew 2002
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Still reflecting…
Life Before You
There were…
No tears
There was acceptance of who I was
And what I was notUntil I met you Forgot to be comfortable with myself I became addicted to your words of encouragement Became intoxicated with your touch Your smile Your way of leading me not to care For anything but you Had to be reminded There was life before you Of course you never requested that I put you first You only implied And I can’t blame you I can only move on Separating myself from thoughts of you Picking up the pieces Putting away the toys We once enjoyed Mainly pieces of my broken heart Parts of a friendship gone cold Remembering to place my faith back in God Focusing once again on who it was I aimed to be Concentrating on loving me again Taking road trips within myself To regain the confidence you broke Breaking away Back to peace Back to understanding Life before you became that apple The windows to my soul craved There was life before you And even though without you I thought apart of me died There will be life after you Little did I know The heart of me survived Revived with words of hope From those around me Who wanted to see me cope And I’ll always remember you The good and the bad It’s just sad We could not catch common ground Though today I sit wound In a lesson That I owe all to strife But never again No not ever again Will I put you before life© Dew 2002
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I was reading my first collection of poetry, Scared, earlier and was reminded how emotional that time was for me. It’s funny that as evolved as I choose to think I am, the poetry I write today still refers to the same person, just not as angry. It’s okay to love someone. It’s even okay if they don’t love you back. The struggle is in letting go of the resentment and not taking it personal. Which is so much easier said than done. We all have preferences. I like sage jimmy dean sausage as opposed to regular. I don’t like spicy anything. And, I would much rather you have a lil hair or at least stubble than have no hair at all. I like Playstation, losers like Xbox, I wish I was joking. But, no matter your preference, it is your choice.
The worse feeling is to feel completely overlooked by someone who you have invested so much emotion into. That’s when the helplessness sets in. That’s when its time to do some self-evaluating. Know who you are and what you have to offer. If you recognize things that are not appealing make the decision to change them or accept them. Then move on.
I’m one to talk, I know, but not being with the person who has my heart doesn’t really make me sad anymore. I use that emotion as inspiration. I’ll stop rambling now. I think you get the point.
